I did not realize until last night that my surgery is only a week away. Now I’m in an absolute panic over all the things I have to get done before then!

Funny how shit can sneak up on you like that.

Well, since someone asked……….

UNDERWEAR!

I HATE wearing underwear. I haven’t worn underwear since probably 2nd or 3rd grade. The only reason I wore them then is because my mom made me. I have always hated them!

What brings this up?

The impending hospital visit. I had to buy underwear for while I’m in the hospital. Talk about a waste of money. As soon as I’m done in the hospital, they will go in the garbage. I bought 7 new pair of the the crapping things and I sit here thinking about all the goodies I have to pack I just dread the thought of underwear.

Bleh!

not to be confused with Jumping Jack Flash………

I got another cat–memememememememememes cat–she doesn’t have time for him any more since she has her new man.

He’s a nice cat and is getting along well with my other 3 BUT–or should I say BUTT–this cat FARTS SOMETHING AWFUL and IT SMELLS B-A-D!

I’ve talked to the vet and other than changing his diet which isn’t going to happen there’s not much i can do about it. I asked if I could give him BEANO but they didn’t think that was a wise idea.

The worst part is that he likes attention and loves to be by me in the chair which is fine UNTIL you have to smell his rotten kitty farts then it’s just nasty. PEW!

Here’s a totally happy fucking update NOT!

I am scheduled for surgery on March 6. After the surgery I will have lost the hearing in one ear but will be rid of the tumor.

I am so not looking forward to this surgery I can’t even put into words how I am feeling about it.

It’s going to be a long haul where I will have to rely on others for help which is something that I just dread the thought of. Specifically, memememememememememememememememememe is one of the people I will have to rely on once I am out of the hospital. The doctor has told me that I will not be able to be left alone for even as long as 8 hours for two weeks after my surgery. My husband doesn’t have enough vacation time to cover that long and we (like everyone else in the world these days) can’t afford for him to take unpaid family medical leave so there you have it. You have to go with what you have or in this case who you have that is available to help you out.

I don’t want meme nor do I expect her to stay with me the whole time my husband is at work though the doctors think that is what will happen. The bottom line on that is that I am going to have to figure it out for myself. The biggest concern with being left alone is if I were to fall due to being so off balance from losing the hearing in one year. Well I hate to tell them but unless a platoon of soldiers is at my house when I fall it’s not really going to fucking matter–I’m fat (HUGE), it isn’t like 1 person is going to be able to help me get up anyway, I mean seriously–maybe we should just rent a crane in case I fall down. For that matter, I have a bad habit of falling down anyway (hello–HUGE) and have managed each time to get myself up eventually including the time I was knocked out for a few seconds so I think I can handle it. Worse case scenario is that I fall and have to call 911 which is the only thing an attendant would be able to do anyway. My biggest concern really is being able to get my dog in and out while my husband is at work in terms of needing physical assistance for anything.

The doctors say that I am not even to shower alone (once again hello HUGE) for 2 weeks after the surgery due to the lack of balance. How the hell do you NOT shower alone? Seriously! Maybe I’m not fully prepared for this or not seeing the whole picture but I have been huge all my life and I know how to cope with being huge. When you’re this size, nothing is ever easy but I get it done the best I can. To me, this will be no different.

My true concern post surgery is more my emotional state in dealing with the loss of hearing (though I’ll still have one good ear). I’m sure that depression will be an issue for me as it would for anyone in the same situation it’s just that my obsessive compulsiveness will make it more challenging. I can’t say that have meme here with me would help me not be depressed. In fact, it would probably make it worse since she drives me nuts not to mention she talks really loud and has a grating voice–something which a half deaf person isn’t going to want to deal with.

In a lot of ways I wish I could have a friend come stay with me but that’s not practical either seeing that I only have 2 half assed friends who would be available neither of whom I could tolerate for long periods of time. This is one instance where if might be a bad thing that I have chosen to isolate myself from others and built the brick wall around myself for protection. Had I not done this, I could potentially have a lot of people who were willing to come stay with me and prop up my fragile emotions post surgery but as it is, that’s not likely to happen.

I have comforted myself with this–the surgery may not happen. The doctors want to do a stress test (HUGE WOMAN HERE) to make sure my heart can handle being under anesthesia for at least 6 but more like 8 or 10 hours for the surgery. I really think there could be an issue with my heart and that the surgery will not happen. Let me live in my fantasy world where they know me, it wouldn’t be the first shattered fantasy I’ve had if I’m wrong about my heart. After all, being huge and finding out your heart is in good condition can’t possibly be a bad thing, right.

So there you go–there’s the update on the medical stuff.

Why is it that people who go to the drive up window at the fast food places sit there with their arm out the window after paying? I have noticed this a lot and I’ve also noticed I don’t do that.

For some reason they seem to think that after they have paid they have to sit their with the hand out even if they’re not getting change back. 30 fucking degrees below 0 and these morons sit their with their arm out the window even it takes 5 minutes to get their food. I don’t understand! I’ve seen it so much that I’d like to get out of my car and go up there and smack their arm and say GET IT IN THE CAR! Your shit will be ready when it’s ready–you sitting their with your hand out like a beggar isn’t helping dumbass! If I worked at these places I’d intentionally take long for those who sit there with their hand out just to be bitch! This is just one of those odd behaviors that just piss me off. If you’re reading this and you find that you do it–STOP! It’s annoying!

I haven’t bitched in 3 months? What the hell? What is wrong with me? I don’t know but I have so much bitching to do that I can surely make up for all of the bitching I haven’t done.

DUCK

INCOMING……………..