Normally when there are to be any big changes whether it be jobs or finances or anything really, my husband and I discuss it first or at least I thought we did.

Last night after I picked my husband up for work he started talking about a posting they had for a supervisory position at work. He said that all the higher ups want him to apply for it seeing that he has 8 years of management experience and is a great worker. As he went on telling me about it, I had a lot of reservations including the fact that the pay might be 30 cents more an hour which to me seems like a lot of hassle for not much gain.

I voiced this to him said that if he were going to take on that kind of position it should be for considerably more money than he is currently making. His response to that was I don’t know…..

I said that I didn’t know that he should apply for the position but said that MAYBE he should. He then said he already had.

My uh oh went off just then. My uh oh is that little thing in the back of my brain then tells me when something is terrible wrong. For example, my uh oh goes off when I write a check without having balanced my checkbook for over a week and it tells me UH OH–that’s about the end of the money–balance that checkbook. My uh oh tells me when there is a cop around the next corner and that I better slow down. All in all, my uh oh is pretty reliable.

I’m not at all pleased that he applied for the job without first discussing it like we do with everything, in fact, I am not happy about it at all.

There is some fear that he is expressing too much independence–yes, I admit I have a control problem but it’s more than that. I can’t decide to go for a drive without discussing it first so I think that a change such as a job should be discussed especially since I am the chauffeur and what he does in terms of hours absolutely does affect me. Me and my uh oh are just not happy.

The ONE day when I HAVE to get up way early, my husband has to work way late. Doesn’t that just figure though?! I have a 14 hour work day tomorrow and will have less than 3 hours sleep to go on. Just great….NOT

My bitch of the second is assholes (one in particular–you know who you are) who don’t turn their IM on even after you’ll called them TWICE to tell them it isn’t on!

Today I met the snow plow with the wing out flying along and I just happened to look up at the driver as I met him only to see that he was TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE while flying along driving one handed.

Is it any wonder they pick off mail boxes and signs all the time!?

To some, this may not sound like a bad thing but to someone like me who doesn’t go to bed before 2 a.m., trust me it is NOT a good thing!

Since starting medicine for my depression I have been experiencing some sleep problems which now seem to have mushroomed. Ugh–I hate being up this early. By 10 a.m. I’ll have to go back to bed for a few hours and I hate that too!

FUCK NO

But apparently that “friend” thinks I am.

I should give a little history lesson on this friend. About a year or so ago, we were pretty close friends and then one day out of the blue she said some really horrible things to me and I quit speaking to her. A couple months ago, she sent me an email apologizing. I thought on it a while and decided to accept her apology–with reservation. I talk to her but I don’t tell her anything about what’s going on with me. I let her blither on basically. I am not a forgiver (SHOCK I know) and to be honest, I’m not really very keen on talking to her and subsequently, I’m not that nice to her. In fact, as soon I started talking to her again, I realized why she wanted to be friends again. She was having guy problems and had lost her job and was bored and needed someone to whine to about it, that’s about it. And apparently, she wanted someone to help her fix her fucking computer (ie…..ME). Grrrr

So anyway……….

Last week, she called all in a panic that she was having computer problems, she was getting pop ups saying she had spyware and she needed to download a program to fix it. She wanted to know what to do. The irony is, I don’t know why she asks me because she does the exact opposite of what I tell her anyway. I told her she had a hijacker or data miner and needed to get rid of that. I said don’t you use something for spyware or anti virus? She said she has system mechanic for that to which I replied it obviously isn’t working (she’d called me a week before with a virus problem and did the opposite of what I told her to “fix” that). I said I didn’t really know what to tell her and said if I thought of anything I’d call her back. I knew what program she should download to fix it right off but couldn’t decide if I really wanted to help her or not–yes, I’m an unforgiving bitch! I mulled for about a half hour and then decided I’d tell her what to do. When we’d hung up the first time she was going to call someone else who she thought could help her. I asked if she’d talked to him and she said he told her to clear her history and that it would fix the problem but it hadn’t. OH GOD!!!!

I told her she should download ad-aware from Lavasoft and it would probably get rid of her problem. I had to walk her through the whole thing on the phone. How to download it, to hit SAVE and not RUN when the download came up (yes, she’s that stupid) and to update BEFORE scanning (she wanted to scan first). After I got her through all that I told her to call me back after the scan and see what it said. It was a long time and I hadn’t heard back so I called her and the scan was just finishing. Good thing I called, she didn’t understand what to do anyway. I guess putting a check mark in a box is difficult. She told me it said she had 186 objects and some were tracking cookies and some were data miners (didn’t I tell her that?!). I got her through the removal and then told her to RESTART her computer and SCAN AGAIN. She argued with me about doing it and I finally got pissy and said DO IT!

She did finally agree and I told her to call me back if she had any more problems. About 20 minutes later she called back in amazement–it had found 114 more objects. I said, I knew it would that’s why I told you to do it again. LISTEN TO ME WOMAN!!!!! Why ask for my help if you’re not going to fucking listen?! GRRRRRRRRRRRR

She thanked me profusely for helping her (I still wish I hadn’t).

Today she sent me an IM about cell phones–she wants a new one. She said she’d looked at the store and they were pretty expensive to buy new and without thinking I said look on ebay. BAD IDEA so I immediately said, wait–don’t do that. She asked why. I said because you have to understand the technology and if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’ll get a phone that won’t work for your carrier. Of course, stupid me, I had opened the door. She asked me to look for her. I said no (and I didn’t) so then she starts looking on there and sending me links asking me about them LOL. I might as well have looked for her. I told her to avoid power sellers on phones and read the feedback. Her response–what’s a power seller? YES SHE IS THAT STUPID! So I told her to look by the feedback it says power seller. Then she said why avoid them. I told her that it’s just my opinion of course but I think for cell phones where they are selling phones for 15 different carriers, you should avoid them and READ THE FEEDBACK, she would see why. In the end I think it would have been easier if I had just looked for her.

Cripes!

I want to apologize for asking you all kinds of questions. I have now learned how god damn fucking annoying it is to be bugged for tech questions.

Mind you, I won’t quit doing it to you, but I now know how annoying it is so I’ll try to be more resourceful before asking you my questions.

yes–HER AGAIN–boxitupandtakeitback.com

Well, here’s a funny or 2 about the great MIL………

I mentioned she was having a problem with her truck that is only a year old and still under the factory warranty. Well, she traded it for a new one instead of letting the warranty fix it.

She also told me today that she got a tattoo. Yeah, I typed that right…….64 years old and she decides to get a tattoo. Now here’s the funny about that….she got the exact same thing in the exact same place as her daughter and daughter-in-law.

It really doesn’t ever end.

Today the roads were snow covered and generally shitty. My husband had to work so we set out to make the 24 miles (one way) drive. We got 7 miles and his work called the cell phone saying he didn’t need to come in today so we turned around and came home.

62 minutes later they called back saying they DID need him to come into work after all. That meant that we had to go back out into the snow (he doesn’t drive) and that I had to drive through the snow there and back and do it again tonight when he gets off work.

To add insult to this–he’s not even working a full fucking shift!

He’s working 6 hours. So that’s me driving 110 miles in the snow and ice for him to work 6 hours. Is it any wonder we are so screwed?!

About 2 years ago I decided to stop taking antidepressants. I decided I wasn’t depressed and even if I were, I was content to wallow in it rather than taking medicine any more. For several months now I have known that my depression was getting worse and I have still continued to ignore it. It has actually gotten so bad that I often have to choke back tears because I just feel like crying for no reason. There are other problems that I am having too that I know are depression signs but my stubbornness has been stronger than my sadness so I have ignored it all.

I have decided that I can’t ignore it any more. I can’t continue to feel like this. I’m so depressed and sad and angry and knotted up inside that I just can’t take it any more.

Even though I don’t want to take more medications, I feel I have no choice. I just can’t pull myself out of it and I know I’m just going to keep going downhill if I don’t do something.