Of being stuck on the phone with my mother in law for 55 minutes AND 11 seconds. I will guarantee you that in that whole time, I didn’t say even 50 words. How could I?! The whole time was just like it always is when she’s on the phone. It’s all about ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME (her that is).

YUCK

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Are you not allowed to look to buy real estate and NOT need to get a fucking loan from some scamming mortgage broker looking to charge you BIG bucks for the privilege of borrowing money from them. These people are just fucking evil! They absolutely will not speak to you unless you “prequalify” with them for a loan. For fuck sake, I just want to buy a house and I don’t need a fucking load, how is that difficult to understand?!

I have been trying and trying to track down someone who can help me find foreclosure properties in my area but I might as well go fuck myself as get any help with that! Unless you are willing to pay to find foreclosures, which may or may not be really available to buy as I am found, you might as well forget it!

No wonder I want to hide out in the middle of no where! There are rotten fuckers everywhere!

For the first time since August 14, 2005, my husband and I took our boat out fishing on Memorial Day.

I guess since it had been so long since we had taken our boat out I had conveniently forgotten that we ALWAYS have a problem when we take the boat out and I do mean ALWAYS. There has been more than once where we’ve been stranded and had to oar our way to the nearest landing and hitch a ride to get our car and trailer. One time we were stranded OVERNIGHT on the river because our boat would not start and in the morning we flagged down another boater who towed us to a landing and then the ranger’s wife took me to the get the car and trailer. We’ve run out of gas, sprung leaks, lost our tool box out of the boat, lost fishing poles out of the boat, you name it. One time my husband was being a total fucking dick head because I picked a different place to put the boat out and it was a hassle and he was being such an asshole that I jumped out of the boat in the middle of the river and swam to shore where I stayed until he came and asked me to get back in the boat. When I say we ALWAYS have a problem when take the boat out, I mean it!

Do I need to say that Monday was no exception. First, we drove 50 miles to a place where I’ve always wanted to put the boat out and fish. We had to get gas in the boat and as we’re doing this, I look over at a boat next to us and realize that the registration sticker for our boat is AT HOME. Right there should have told it was not going to be a good day and I should have gone home but I figured hell with that, I’ve come 50 miles, I’m going boating, DNR and fines be dammed.

After getting gas, we go to put the boat in and actually get it unloaded and in the water without a problem which is totally unusual for us! So we get all loaded up and ready to go and TADA, the boat will not start! The battery was totally dead despite having been checked before we left home. So there’s strike 2. My husband was disgusted as was I and all in a tither because he had checked this before we left home. I said oh well, go get the damn battery out of the car then so he did that and we finally got going. Mind you, it was 9 a.m. before we got going even though we had gotten up at 6.

Down the river we go and the boat actually ran well considering how long it had been and after running a while, we find a spot to fish and were fishing maybe 15 minutes when this boat starts heading toward us……..can you see where this is going?! You guessed it, the DNR! BUT and I have to say this is a giant BUT, they only asked for our fishing licenses and never noticed the boat registration sticker expired in 2006! BONUS!

I must say that we fished until about 2:30 p.m. with no more real issues (thankfully as we noticed we hadn’t brought our oars either) until we went to take the boat OUT of the water and then it was more hassles of course. Remember the battery issue? Well, in order to get the boat on the trailer, the battery has to come out of the boat so the car and trailer can be moved which means you can’t use the motor of the boat to guide the boat to the trailer. We parked the boat out of the way of others but close enough where we can use the rope to bring it to the trailer. Well, that didn’t work worth a shit because once again I SWEAR it’s a fucking conspiracy. I stayed with the boat while he took the battery back to the car. Before too long another boat comes and parks between us and the landing. GRRRRRRRRRRRR! So, no matter what, we have to wait for him to load out because we have no way of getting our boat out around his boat so I called my husband on the cell phone and said, might as well wait, this guy is in the way. He then tells me that isn’t the best of it, there’s someone else waiting to put in. So I sat there fishing and waiting (and getting sunburned). After the one gets out and one in, he backed the trailer in and comes to the boat and helps me out and we start walking the boat to the trailer and here comes some ASSHOLE backing into the water between our trailer and our boat. I said, we need to get this past you, we have no battery. The asshole was obviously disgusted but did actually wait about 3 seconds as I tried to fall over into the river trying to hurry. Asshole got his huge $50,000 boat off the trailer and we figured all was clear so we could wrestle ours around in the current with the rope and get it loaded BUT NOOOOOOO because here comes some other fucking asshole backing into the water just a flying so once again here we stand, both in the water at this point waiting for him to get going because his boat is in our way and we can’t control ours except by rope. Finally we say fuck it and stand in the way as another boat wanted in the water and got our over the trailer. We hastily pulled out of the water with the boat teetering over the trailer because it was in no way lined up but with the asshole brigade, we didn’t have much choice. We pulled away from the landing and had to physically move this heavy sucker onto the rollers by lifting and tugging. Not fun!

We did finally get the boat adjusted and got everything out of the boat and back into the car just in time for my husband to slam his head into the trunk lid and leave himself seeing stars and having a big bump there now.

I told my husband that this was the first, last, and only time I am going out in the boat and to sell the fucker. I’m so tired of the problems we have EVERY TIME we take the boat out!

It’s a conspiracy!

As I’ve been looking around for houses, I have begun to realize how unfashionable I am.

As I look around for houses and I drive around in town, I see there is virtually no one with dogs outside let alone 3 or 4 like I have. I have also noticed that almost no one has the superfluous amount of SHIT I have in my yard (or that my husband has actually). We have so much SHIT outside it isn’t even funny. We have 3 trailers (the hauling kind), 2 boats, a tractor, 2 riding mowers and a push mower, building materials and other related crap.

I have come to realize that there is no way we’re going to be able to move unless my husband is willing to offload some (most) of his outdoor crap and then it will have to be just the right place to be able to have the dogs.

While I think that these show place yard people are nuts, I also realize I can’t move my treasure trove next to them either.

I swear to god that each week there is a mark on the calendar that tells drivers they should try to kill me!!!!!

Yesterday was awful! You sure can tell it’s a holiday weekend. I fail to understand how people can not see either of my giant cars and manage to continually pull out in front of me or change lanes with 2 millimeters between us and expect me not to hit them!

OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!

So…….we went to look at another house today.

The house is empty and clearly has a realty sign in front of it. We had an appointment with the realtor to meet at the house and we were early so we’re sitting there in the driveway waiting for the realtor and this guy pulls up in a car. I’m not from this town and I don’t know the realtor but I notice there’s a kid squallering in the car. The guy gets out of his car and says hi. I said hello and he stands there looking at me and says what are you doing. I said waiting for the realtor to look at this house, we have an appointment. He just looked and me and said OH. I said is this your house? He said no, it’s my sister’s, I was just wondering what you were doing.

OH MY GOD! What the fuck would this moron think I’m doing? Robbing an empty house in the light of day?! DUH!!!!!!!!!

I wouldn’t buy that house now even if I wanted it!

So I wake up this morning to a blinking light for voice mail. I listen to the voice mail and here it’s these STUPID FUCKERS who think that I work for the town where they live which I don’t.

I have had this conversation with these same people at least twice before yet they insist on calling me. On my voice mail message (because I work from home) it says what town I do work for and to leave a message yet these morons have NO CLUE and still leave a message expecting me to fix their fucking problems.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

In the past I have called them back and told them who to call but not this time, I don’t care how many messages they leave.

Nothing much to bitch about other than people in general. My husband’s family is very often sheer comedy material.

You’ve got the better than everyone else sister in law and the trailer trash sister in law that live within 1/2 mile of each other that are each *SO* worried about what the other does that it’s comical at time. I’ll call these two HTT (holier than though) and just TT (trailer trash).

TT told me Monday they were getting some new outside animals yesterday. I don’t care what they do but she told me. This morning, HTT emails me asking if I’ve talked to TT lately. of course, I say no, why do you ask and she proceeds to go into this tirade about TT getting such and such critters.

Too comical

They’re both so worried about each other. I’m so glad I don’t live within eye distance of those 2.

It’s getting warm here and I got to thinking today about swimsuits and all of the people who complain about nudity on television and how they don’t want their kids to see that.

I wonder if these same people take their kids to see the shoe string and band aid swimming suits people wear at local swimming pools and beaches.

How is it different if they see a boob on TV as opposed to seeing someone’s ass crack in person?

DOH!

This fall, it will be 8 years that I have been married.

I get highly offended when people refer to me by my maiden name. I don’t know why, I just do.

TWICE in the last 2 weeks I have had this done to me. The first time was by a woman who came to my job and needed something from me. She made the statement to me that if so and so would have told her that I was “maiden name” she would have known who I was. The way she phrased it really offended me. She knows “who” I am, nothing more. I know who she is, nothing more. The way she said she knew me by my maiden name made me pretty pissed. It was as though she was putting me down.

Yesterday, a realtor (with whom I won’t do business) did the same thing. I have talked to him 3 times and each time I told him my name (my married name). Yesterday he said to me oh I know you, you’re “my maiden name”. I said no, I’m “my married name” and again he said well I know you as………..and again the way he said it, it was a put down. ASSHOLES!