Where to even start……

When anything can go wrong it will and at the worst possible moment. Who ever said that is one fucking genius and right on!

It’s been a bad couple of weeks for me and I have learned that I dare not get anything “for” any other thing I already have lest it will die.

I bought 4 new tires for my car on the 10th and 2 days later the car died and still refuses to run. Last Monday, the 19th, I ordered RAM for my computer and (just guess) on Wednesday, my computer died. I’m not sure to what extent my computer died, I know that the processor is shot for sure, the RAM may be bad and who knows about the hard drive. I bought a new computer and I hate the monitor it came with, I can’t get my programs to work right, and I miss my stuff that is on the old hard drive that I can’t access yet.

Then of course there is the situation with my dog in the middle of all this.

I know that I do not have it the worst off of anyone in the world but I do know that I can’t take much more shit. Today my new printer that I have printed 2 pages with in the last 3 weeks refused to take it paper–it said there was no paper though there was. I fixed that printer good now. I picked it up and slammed it on the table a few times just for good measure. Fucker sucks in paper now! Maybe I should try fixing everything like that. I have thought about going out and kicking the shit out of my dead car to see if that will help. I know it would make me feel one fuck a lot better.

What else has gone to shit? There’s so much it’s hard to even say any more. Life in general has gone to shit. Absolutely nothing is going right at all. I’m stuck in a downward spiral. I can’t take much more, really I can’t.

I know that I said I was going to kill my poor old dog but really I didn’t want to. In the end though, I had to have her put down. Her arthritis had gotten much much worse and then she fell causing her not to be able to stand without help. Though I never wanted it to go that way, it had to be.

There will never be another dog as special as her.

Yeah–again…………………..

this time it’s just the puppy. She thinks she needs out every hour or less. She’s driving me bonkers with this running out all the time. I fucking swear, she’s going to go live back out there! I’m crazy enough without her pushing me further over the edge!

What is it that fast food places can’t ever get your fucking order right? This has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves! I have a particular problem with a certain place that will insist on ruining my breakfast sandwich! Are these fuckers just so stupid they aren’t capable of functioning normally or what? If I order a fucking breakfast sandwich with a muffin when I get the fucker I want it to be ON A MUFFIN! How difficult is this? Today I got a breakfast sandwich which suppose to be a toasted muffin with sausage and cheese on it……seems pretty fucking simple to me BUT NOOOOO……..these fuckers gave me a biscuit with sausage on it and that’s all. I FUCKING HATE BISCUITS! Even though I was blocks away, I turned around and went back to the drive up window and shoved the sandwich at the girl with the receipt and said give me my money back. She was so fucking stupid she couldn’t tell how the sandwich was different than what the receipt said it should be. STUPID LAZY FUCKERS! I really think all it is when they fuck up your order is pure fucking laziness!

BASTARDS

Well, as if everyone didn’t see this coming………….

Britney Spears has now shaved her head. Let the crash begin. Hopefully she’ll fade into obscurity where she belongs. I just hope there aren’t still young girls out there worshiping this train wreck who decide to copy her and shave their heads too.

I hate to even check the celebrities category when it’s about these 2.

Don’t know about the rest of you but I am sick of hearing about how sad it is that Anna Nicole Smith died. She was a worthless excuse for a human being people–there’s no loss there. If you think her passing is a great loss to humanity, I have to pity you.

Another so-called celeb I’m sick of hearing about day after day after day is Britney gutter trash Spears. She came from trailer trash and she’s gone right back there. If this cow fell off the planet, again, it would be no loss.

I cannot believe that even CNN thinks that these 2 are news worthy. SICKENING!

I read an article today about a man who tried to sell his 2 year old daughter to a couple presumably to adopt. His “punishment” for this act is 50 hours of community service based on a plea deal.

I have to ask, is this justice? Is there any justice there? I’m not sure but it doesn’t seem right to me. There seem to be a lot of cases you see that have gone through our justice system that certainly don’t seem to have gotten justice in the end. Often times you see where someone gets more time for drunken driving than rape, and more time for rape than murder.

Talk about things that need an overhaul……..how about the justice system.

I think that more than anything my life that I hate (and there is so much), being reduced to helplessness has got to be the worst.

I hate asking favors of people, I hate borrowing things be it vehicles, money, or even asking of people’s time. I hate being in a position where I need to ask for anything from anyone. Yet here I am again, in that position–that helpless position–where I have had to ask to borrow a vehicle from one side of the family and beg rides from the other side of the family. I HATE IT. If I can’t survive on my own, get things for myself, I would just as soon not exist at all. I hate feeling that I owe something to someone (even if they don’t see it that way–I do). I hate that I am almost 40 years old and I am reduced to the role of a child who needs help in life. I really thought I had surpassed that point but it seems to manage to come back like a rabid dog to bite me in the ass again.

I wonder if there are others like me who feel that they can never get ahead no matter what they do or feel that at any moment the great conspiracy monkey is going to get on their back again.

I just cannot cope with this reduction to that of the helpless yet despite my best efforts, I cannot stay “well” enough be it physically, financially, or emotionally to stay out of this place of helplessness. It is a vicious cycle that I apparently am not talented enough to break out of despite my efforts.

Maybe it really is a god dam conspiracy!

It NEVER EVER fails EVER that when I get completely fed up with the world to the point where I can’t possibly tolerate any more bullshit, I get MORE bullshit. Now my car died…………

It’s worse than hate, it’s despise, it’s the worst anything can possibly get. I am driven crazy by the pets. I have nothing to do but stare at this fucking computer all day which I am sick to death of, let the fucking dogs out 15 times in 8 hours, and sit. That’s all I fucking do and I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Problem is, I can’t have a fucking life or get a fucking job of my own because I have to work around my husband’s fucking asinine fucking schedule which means I am stuck in fucking misery and I am tired of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!